PLANET MAGAZINE

That’s right, you saw me on “Oprah” and “Donahue.” And I’ll betcha my last beer you’re wondering what kind of chucklehead would’ve done it. Well, let me explain by telling you that only one word describes the Ultimate Joyride: totally awesome. And that’s what it was, a joyride. If it wasn’t, you think I’d be sitting here telling you about it? Like my lawyer said, I didn’t intend to steal the plane, I intended to go for a joyride. It ain’t even grand-theft jet.

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The boy settled down on the bench under the skydome. The long night was drawing to a close as his father began the story.

“Well son, it all started with SKALO, the Society for Kindness to All Living Organisms. SKALO was a group that made your garden-variety vegetarian look positively carnivorous. Not only did its members avoid all animal products in their diet, but they believed that wrenching a carrot from the ground was an unnecessary act of violence. The ‘fruitarians’ of SKALO limited themselves to fruits, nuts, and seeds, food freely given, involving little if any brutality or loss of life.”

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